Dating anxiety is a real thing, and it’s difficult to navigate in the Tinder Age where you’re just one swipe away from someone who might be a better match. Whether you’ve been single for ten years, or getting back into the dating scene, we’ve all dealt with varying levels of anxiety around dating.
But what do you do when that anxiety starts getting in the way of actually enjoying the process?
That’s where I’m at.
1. They show you in the way that they trigger a tiny gut reaction that tells you you can’t trust them.
It’s there, you can feel it in your body, even if it’s faint. That feeling tugs at you, in an annoying nagging way, and hopes that you’ll listen. It hopes you recognize that those butterflies in your stomach are actually warnings.
But you second guess yourself, and decide to pursue them anyway, because perhaps those butterflies are actually love’s beginnings.
I’ve always found the idea of having a “love wish list” kind of ineffective, silly and a little shallow.
My perception of a love list included people crafting ridiculous lists of deal breakers or deal makers for their future, potential partners to be evaluated on in order to even be considered for a first date.
I don’t date nice guys. In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags.
I’m that girl who claims “He’s just too nice.”
I’m that girl who says “I just feel like I could walk all over him.”
I’m that girl who thinks “He couldn’t handle me.”
And I’m kind of over it.
For the last 12 years, I’ve been inexplicably drawn to the guys that are all types of wrong for me.
Going through trauma therapy is a lot harder than I anticipated. Shocking, I know. I’m not sure what I was expecting; I’m not sure I was really expecting anything. It’s certainly not as easy as taking a pill and getting rid of the memories or erasing all the ways it shows up in your life now.
What I’m learning is that in order to get past the trauma, you first have to dive deep into it.
And that’s hard.