I’ve been overwhelmed for a few weeks. That’s no secret. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Balancing more than I can carry. And quite frankly, I popped a little, in a controlled kind of way.
All this anxiety and overwhelm and feeling buried under a mountain of feels and annoying habits that make me avoid the feels– I’ve finally had enough. It’s time to deal, recognize and change what might be making me more anxious and overwhelmed than I need to be.
Life changes sometimes overwhelm me, and lately life changes are more common than things staying the same. In truth, I don’t handle anxiety and overwhelm all that well and I can be kind of prone to it. Usually I get really angry and annoyed. I get fed up with tiny things and my patience runs thin and my sensitivity to bullshit amps up. Other times I shut down completely regardless of whether or not that is the appropriate response.
Basically, anxiety and overwhelm do great at turning me into someone I’d rather not be.
Dating anxiety is a real thing, and it’s difficult to navigate in the Tinder Age where you’re just one swipe away from someone who might be a better match. Whether you’ve been single for ten years, or getting back into the dating scene, we’ve all dealt with varying levels of anxiety around dating.
But what do you do when that anxiety starts getting in the way of actually enjoying the process?
That’s where I’m at.
It’s so dark you can’t see your hand in front of your eyes, or the lashes on your eyelids. It’s the kind of darkness that makes you see things that can’t really be there, like random shocks of red light, or an incomprehensible low throb of light pulsing in the edges of your vision.
It’s silent, but you can hear– hear isn’t the right word– you can loudly feel every movement inside your body– the crack of your spine, the pulse of your organs, the click of your fingers.
For my birthday last weekend, I pledged to myself that I’d do absolutely nothing all weekend in order to rest up, practice some self-care, and relax before three consecutive weeks of traveling.
It’s something I’ve always wanted to do for my birthday—sleep in until 10 am all weekend, eat a whole box of chocolates, drink champagne while reading some nonfiction, lounge on the deck, and order takeout while never changing out of my pajamas.